Please. No.

Not a wii 2.
NO!!!
You can’t be serious. A Wii 2? Wow.. http://www.crunchgear.com/2009/10/29/possible-wii-2-specs-leaked-1080p-blu-ray-2010-oh-my/ I hope its faked- it was on ign too, so it must be getting pretty big- I hope its fake. I really do. I’m gonna rant a bit about gimmicks.

Let’s start by defining a gimmick- my definition compared to wiki’s. Mine: Anything that is used to trick consumers into buying a product that adds nothing to the product at all. Wiki’s:a quirky feature that distinguishes a product or service without adding any obvious function or value. Yeah, pretty much the same only mine was coolerer(er.). Wikipedia’s not coolerer(er) enough. Just joking..

Ok, so let’s define a few things that are gimmicks. Starting from the NES era, I’m gonna define a few gimmicks from the years, until I get to the modern gaming era. Then I’ll just do a few general gimmicks. So, here goes the nes! ROB The Robot is a gimmick. Seriously, a robot that gets to press a button for you, because there isn’t enough buttons? COOL! … Well, that sure added some sales to the NES very cleverly (it really did.) but… Why not just make the controller have more buttons, or allow player two to press buttons, or make an addon, or ANYTHING! Not a super slow battery draining robot. Seriously. The power glove was another gimmick, but we all know how that one worked out…

Now at the time of the Super Nintendo/Gen/Turbographx. Nintendo gets rid of the ROB (yay. also, there have been quite a few misunderstandings: READ CAREFULLYER. Rob is a great nostalgia thingy and a great character in nintendo games. He just is a stupid selling gimmick; just like Atari’s not a failure, but the thought of a Jaguar 2 is.) and feels the need for a rocket launcher- ok, sounds fine, we had a light gun, right? A rocket launcher’s better. WHY do you need to change something so simple in the first place? And they added one of my major hates; MOTION SENSING! *shudders.* So increase the weight, make it a rocket launcher, make it more complex without making the games it uses more complex, slightly more inconveineinceing the player??? Giiimmmiiickkk!! The gen and turbo don’t have that much gimmicks, while nintendo does. Seriously. WAY too much.

Nintendo 64!!! Yeah, we’ve what, tripled? Quadrupled? the bits, so shouldn’t we get rid of the gimmicks now? Introducing, the rumble pack. Yeah, a pak thingy that costs a bit of money- you plug it into your controlller, and when you DIE, an earthquake appears in your hand. Sweet, right? Now, you may be thinking the controller itself is a gimmick- kindof it is, I’ll get to that later, but the analog stick greatly improves the amount of directions you can move in games, making 3d platformers much better- so an analog stick is NOT a gimmick. HA! Ok, you have a rumble pack. Pay money, and the controller.. Shakes! YEAH!! Because instead of improving gameplay in a game, all you have to do is make your controller shake! Its 4 dimensionsal! (yeah, that’s seriously what the media thinks four dimensional is- feelings and emoitions.. So water, fire, etc are all 4d. Not really.) So why wouldn’t you want it? Well, put it this way: Why would you want it when you can buy a good game instead? Because it shakes…

Gamecube..!…! Ok, now here there’s tons of gimmicks; if generation 7 didn’t come along, this gen would be known as ‘gimmick generation.’ You’ve got too many gimmicks to count; Donkey Kong Bongos, DDR Mat, (in the case of the ps2) Guitar hero Guitar… Just alot of gimmicks as music games are now ‘fads.’ However, not all of these gimmicks are bad, really; the controls are much better with these than pressing buttons in a certain way; imagine moving the analogue stick on your fav controller back and forth and pressing A, B, Y, X/ Sqaure, Circle, Triangle… ETC instead of the guitar’s simpleness. I’ve tried that once; it can hurt your strummy thumb more than the guitar does. So in a way, these gimmicks aren’t that bad, like the SNES rocket launcher, which wasn’t that bad, just didn’t need to be over gimmicked.

GENERATION NOW Please… Do I have to explain this? Natal. ps3 wand. Wiimote. Wiimote plus. Wiifit. Guitar. DDR. Baseball bat. Glove. Zapper. Seriously, I could probably just fill a few more lines with these, but you get the point. WAY too many gimmicks! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY can’t I just use my good ol’ gamecube controller? Or, I’d be perfectly fine by using my n64’s controller. But no, we have to get gimmicky…. NO!!!

Generation Wii 2 PLEASE NO! NO NO NNON NOONONONONON! If this is real and not a rumor, I’m going to destroy my wii with a sledgehammer (even though it has SSBB and all the VC stuff) mail the peices to nintendo, and tell them I’m never buying a new nintendo product again (I’ll just buy all the retro stuff.) That would totally make me mad. Too much gimmicks to handle! I thought that nintendo may possibly go back to a good ol’ normal controller. HOPEFULLY this is false. Hopefully. I really, really, want it to be false.. PLEASEEE be false. PLEAASEE. If this is true.. WEll, if this is true, I’ll lock myself in a closet with only a N64 and a flashlight and a TV and some cords and power supply and cheezits. For 20 hours. And then I’ll play some games.

So, Please nintendo… PLEASSEEE tell me this is just a rumor.
Bug

The Next Generation Of Gaming: BUG’S PREDICTIONS

Ok, here’s my predictions: Before I start, though, I apologize for my lack of posting. Now, onwards!

Sony
Sony will NOT come out with a playstation 4. It may still be playstation, but not have the 4. Possibly playstation ADVANCED or superplaystation, or perhaps not playstation at all. Motion controllers will be standard. The system will pack in around 212 bits of processing power. It will have extremely realistic graphics, and cause sony to get back in their previous winning streak with the first 2 playstations. The price will be around 400$ for the cheapest model.

Microsoft
Microsoft WILL keep using the name XBOX. Possibly some strange acronym AFTER Xbox, or something like Xbox Xtreme. However, it WILL NOT be Xbox 360 2 or Xbox 720. Yeah. Motion controllers will be standard, only a slight bit more unique then sony’s. The system will pack around 180 bits of processing power. The graphics won’t be much better than the ps3’s graphics are. Microsoft will lose, and possibly get out of the gaming competition and play a SEGA. It will be out around the same time as the next sony system, 2011, possibly? The price will be around 400$.

Nintendo
Nintendo WILL NOT use motion controllers. Think of it this way: Casual gamers have one system, why get one that’s similar? It will be completely different, but STILL a stupid gimmick (hmm, perhaps virtual boy to the NEXT LEVEL of fail?). Of course, it will fail highly, because of its release date being a year or two AFTER the new sony and microsoft. Casual gamers will buy it and buy it, though, but nintendo is too late to get ahead. They don’t lose too badly, though. It will have a price tag of around 450 but quickly drop to around a 350$ price. Its coming will be signified by a 20$ gamecube price drop. It will not have virtual console; this may seem unfair that I’m really elaborating on Nintendo, but it’ll all make sense. Why no VC? With a gimmicky controller that’s not motion controlled, how can wii backwards compatability exist, let alone gamecube. That means no gamecube controller ports, and your only controller is a huge gimmick- that stinks at almost everything except making you look like an idiot wearing a tutu and jumping off the empire state building- only to land on a matress to survive barely, and then you get hit by a football thrown by two random people, and on your jump back up, you get knocked off the course of the matress- and land in a giant hole filled with wet cement. So, its like wearing a power glove- on your third arm that’s coming out of your back. And the power glove is purple. With green polka dots. So anyways, try imagining- you have, say, microsoft’s natal. Would that be good for pulling off your SSBM moves? Nope. Fail.

Sega-
Yes, sega. Sega may make a comeback- though its like trying to pull a lemon seed out of a giant pit filled with spears and spikes, only using that power glove on your third arm to retrieve it- oh yeah, those dorks are throwing their football, you’re wearing that tutu, and your legs are paralyzed- but, what sega does, is make the pit just 1 inch. Yeah- sega would just create an awesome game that’s five levels, and it would still be awesome. They’ve lost that tradition recently, though, and the casual market rising would make them motion control idiots. Possibly, revival of the dreamcast since it has better graphics then the wii, so it still could compete..

Atari-
Fail.

Philips-
Fail.

Magnavox-
Odysey 3- the GIGANTIC BALLERINA system for those football dorks- yeah.

So, I hope you like my theorys.

Bug
A
Ham
GAMES